Success

We all want to experience the moment of success. 

Success is a steady realization of the goal set in front of us. One can have different goals, whether it is to become absolutely the best parent, or billionaire, or an astronaut. Movement towards the goal is already some sort of success as you are not standing still but constantly moving and that supposedly should give one some sort of satisfaction. 

While growing up I have learned that success is decisions, actions, the process, education and not bragging about it. 

We dream, and we go after our dreams. We fall, but we get up and continue. Everyday is full of small successes in our children or in ourselves, in our friends, work, but sometimes we do not notice these small successes. Either we are too arrogant, or too busy or too blind. 

As human beings it is hard to be happy for someone else's successes especially if it involves one way or the other yourself. There is so much jealousy and envy around and back stabbing is a common way of ensuring the prevention of these happy moments. Often I wonder why. Ofter I wonder what motivates people to be the way they are. 

My life has been far from a party. Loosing close members of the family, moving around, getting used to new surroundings, starting life all over again, but at the end of the day, my key to success is to look positive on life, use your noodle, be nice to the others, sincere and continue pursuing your goals. 

One thing for sure, my measurement of success still stands for the "old school" and somehow not with the young people born after 1990. 

PS: I learned the secret of the last unit of success if you're born prior to 1990: Post pictures with kids and/or kittens. And homemade muffins. Whatever you do, don't forget homemade muffins.

Way to survive in Denmark - 2 (or any workplace)

It is at the workplace where one gets to know how things work in the society.

In Denmark it is a workplace where you meet and get friends, it is a workplace where many relationships start and couples are formed. At most workplaces, there are often social events with your colleagues; they are optional but most of the people choose to be a part of those events one-way or the other. For example, something like celebrating a colleague birthday by organizing breakfast before the workday begins is something one would find everywhere. There are also common social and cultural activities outside the workplace and outside working hours. It is highly advised to participate in social life at work, for it is here that you get to know your colleagues and it is here where the ties are formed and new relationships develop.

You see - job satisfaction is not just about the academic satisfaction. In my understanding, there must be room for humor and socializing. The good atmosphere is essential. That is how we have to feel in order to do our job well. It is important that one pays attention to ones colleagues, not only as someone you work with but also as a whole individual with family, troubles and ups and downs.

When I ask “how are you doing?” I quite frankly expect an honest answer. In Denmark we talk about our lives, families, follow up with how we feel, how our children progress in activities and academics, our interests, even our sex life but for some curious reason, not our salary. Never our salary!

It is impossible to define Danish culture accurately, and that includes the culture at Danish workplace. However, there are certain common values ​​and cultural traits that most Danes take for granted, but when we move away, we miss that a lot. In order to describe this culture I picked up some examples of job advertisement from a Danish newspaper and translated them.

"We can offer you an exciting and dynamic organization with many challenges and great breadth of tasks where dialogue, development and influence is significant keywords - all seasoned with an informal atmosphere and good mood." (Vacancy for Municipality)

Most people put being equal, having a comfort, individuality and democracy in the centrum. The tone at the workplace is quite informal compared to many other countries. So, can you imagine to read like this announcement for a job in US or Canada?

"We seek a colleague who will help to create a good and eventful days with fun, humour and seriousness to our citizens." (Vacancy for Aarhus Municipality)

Comfort is an extremely important element in the "Danish culture". The Danes say "hygge" simply can’t be translated, but sooner or later one figures out that it is closely associated with having it nice and relaxed relationship weather it is with each other or with a glass of wine and a good book (or Dancing with the stars and a beer for a younger generations). Also a humorous tone is part of the Danish favourite social conventions -preferably with a considerable irony. Some would argue even that sarcasm is the code for the Danish mentality. And if you know me, I am a perfect example of that.

"There is an informal and flat structure that allows all to get involved in important decisions " (Glostrup Hospital)

The Danes are taught to talk, to discuss and share their opinions at home, at school and on the job. Actually it is already an important aspect of life in kindergarten. This means that they are used to and expect to be heard and to influence the decisions that are made. So things like I am the boss, I said so, you do it without questioning, goes so much against our nature and the way we function at work.

And going back to the friends, we distinguishes typically between friends and acquaintances - and friends will be visible only after prolonged acquaintance. However at the end of the day, both privately and professionally, we tend to build connections that are aimed to be long-term and trust-based that we will treasure for life.

Dedicated to Jens-Arne, Torben R, Henning, Peter, Torben J. and Søren, guys, who are still in my heart as the greatest bunch of colleagues back in Denmark, I have been surrounded with

Consequences? Parenting basics (or so I thought).

I find it hard to understand the model of raising children in North America. I thought that there are prince and princesses in Scandinavia, but here, they are small monsters and manipulators as I can observe many children do not face any consequences for their behaviour. 

Ok, maybe I am too tough on my kids, but my circus will not be able to function if I will not have structure and help, my circus will not be able to travel and explore the world if I go alone with every caprice or hissy fit with my kids. But I do believe in fairness and creating human beings whom I will be proud of to ship into the open world. 

However, I find it so difficult to bring them up on this side of the ocean. Screaming, shouting, making hissy fits right in the middle of the shopping centre is absolutely a normal thing in any mall. And there are absolutely no consequences of bad behaviour, nasty speaking to the parents or being rude. I wonder how on earth do parents planning to see their kids being decent human beings and building the future. 

Recently I had an incident in the supermarket that not made me mad but also confirmed my observations. One of my kids, recently, has taken something out of the supermarket, without me paying for it. It was a small thing, a lipstick, costing maybe 50c or something like that. I could easily say, oh, get on with your life, but I chose not to do so. In fact, I drag the kid back to the supermarket, got to customer service and made the kid to explain how this little thing ended up in the pocket. The fact is I was hoping to teach someone a lesson and I was really hoping that a customer service worker will play along with me. But the fact is, the response I got shocked me. "So, you don't want this lipstick? You want to return it?" Ok, if it was an 18 years old one, that would be a criminal act, so for crying out loud, scare the kid so this will be remembered that for the rest of the life. But no, we get this smily young gentleman telling us,  that it is ok and thank you for returning the thing back to supermarket. People, is it me or is it wrong? I not only publicly humiliated my kid, made her publicly say that what she did was wrong but upon returning home, someone was not only grounded but had to perform extra home-duty to get her to understand the seriousness of her actions. 

Listen, I am not trying to raise my kids perfect. Oh no, we are far from perfect family in, I believe, almost all the aspects of life, but I am trying to raise responsible human beings who will understand the consequences of their actions and respect me and the society. 

So what I do? I let them fit into the society, by teaching them the basics: 

My answer: N-E-V-E-R